I’m no Superman

My last blog entry was made 2 days into my 6 week placement at the Whitechapel Centre (http://www.whitechapelcentre.co.uk/). I’m now 2 days away from completing this placement and I wish I knew where the time went!

Here’s a summary of what I’ve learnt and experienced during these 6 weeks:

Nobody wants to be invisible

Many persons, who’ve lived on the street for an extended period, feel as if they are invisible and unwanted by society. After interacting with clients, I became aware that although money, food and accommodation were priorities, respect was what they ultimately wanted from me and everyone else. Nobody wanted to be pitied but to be treated normally. In chatting with one of the guys they mentioned that even though people sometimes gave them money it was usually casually thrown to them and they felt as if they were a dog and being thrown a bone. That made a deep impression on me. They hate being ignored. I’ve made a mental note to remember to simply say I have no money and so at least acknowledge that the person begging exists.

Everyone has a story

I don’t believe that anyone wants to be homeless. I fell into the trap of quickly mentally judging some of the clients after hearing snippets of their life story, but I’ve come to appreciate that I don’t know the full story. It’s known to God alone. The quote “There, but for the grace of God, I go” comes to mind and has made me humble and grateful that I’ve always had food and shelter.

Asking for help is not a sign of incompetence

I don’t think that any human being is fully self-reliant and super tough although we may perceive ourselves as such. In working with those facing alcohol and drug addictions, I sense that it takes tremendous courage and strength to admit that they have a problem and ask for help. I’ve been inspired by the staff at the Centre who support people facing difficulties in sorting out their affairs. The staff  doesn’t try to jump in like heroes and make all the problems disappear, but the goal is to enable those affected to become independent once again and not reliant on the support workers. I’ve noted that many times these people feel abandoned by friends and family, and its just a little support and encouragement that they need to set them on the right track again. Especially during Lent, I’m reminded that patience and love with myself and others are necessary ingredients for breaking any bad habits.

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I should also let you know that I’ve been joined by a 2^nd year novice (Jozef Székely) from the Slovak Republic (Slovakia). The two Jesuits in the Community (Ken Vance and Adrian Howell) have been very welcoming and friendly to us. Ken has been an excellent tour guide of Liverpool.

I’m leaving this placement with the knowledge that I need God, and the world needs God.  I don’t think I can solve the world’s problems on my own, and I now appreciate how the Society of Jesus is structured. We are not all off in our corner trying to help in our own ways, but we  work together supporting each other. I can’t do this all on my own, No, I know, I’m no Superman. Have a great week!

Joel

A Jesuit Boarding School Experiment

In his semi-autobiographical novel “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man”, James Joyce (a former student at Clongowes Wood College where I am spending a six week experiment as a first year novice) describes how the story’s protagonist develops a fever after being pushed into an open cesspool by a bullying classmate. He is then confined to the school infirmary for a few weeks. A few days ago, with Joyce’s description in mind, I mounted the steps to the very same infirmary having come down with a severe cold. I was very interested to see that the infirmary has changed little since Joyce’s day. One could visualise the author lying in one of the cast-iron beds, pondering his status as an “outsider”. Happily for me, my ailment was not the result of an involuntary dip in a cesspool, nor was I required to linger in the infirmary after consulting the school nurse. Instead I could convalesce more comfortably in the Jesuit Community residence situated in the “Castle” part of the school complex.

Clongowes is a Jesuit-run boarding school in County Kildare, Ireland, My main role here is as a teacher of religion, but I’ve also found myself helping out with the school’s many extra-curricular activities – choir, debating, various sporting activities, giving talks as well as assisting with the liturgies. I’m also sometimes called on to supervise the students (boys aged 13-18), although I find this most challenging as I’m no natural disciplinarian!

Having absolutely no previous experience of teaching, I was somewhat apprehensive before my début class of first-years. My fears were allayed by the sheer enthusiasm of the lads, the constant stream of their questions and their receptiveness to new information. It’s exciting to think that I am introducing them to important new subjects and concepts. It’s quite a responsibility too. Another class I teach are older students, in their fifth year. They represent a “tougher audience” but when engaged, discussions can be brilliant.

You might say that there are two religions at Clongowes. If one is Catholicism, the other is certainly Rugby. Since I arrived the Clongowes’ Senior and Junior squads have enjoyed successive victories in the Leinster Schools Cup. When the school plays in a Cup Match, practically all of the school’s 450 pupils are bussed down to the Donnybrook Stadium in Dublin to support the team. The atmosphere is electric, fuelled by a series of match songs and chants which the whole school has rehearsed the evening before. Alas, if only participation in the other (official) religion was similarly animated!

It seems that there is a tradition here in Ireland that congregations do not sing: it’s certainly a challenge to engage the lads in the pews to sing at the Sunday school Mass. But that’s not to say they don’t pray. I’ve been genuinely moved by the depth of the spirituality of many of the students here. There is little doubt that the Jesuit presence here facilitates this – giving them access to the sacraments and being a very tangible reference point for the Ignatian way of life (even if we do live in a Castle).

Henry

Not finishing before the end

One of the challenges of the last week has been to keep my mind on the present and not to start living for the return to Birmingham. It certainly isn’t because of a lack of things to keep me busy. In fact, a challenge is to take enough time to relax and not to use the idea of completing the experiment as a spur to just keep going. I can’t hold on that long. It is easiest to live in the future when faced with things I find difficult, as an escape from facing them or being open to unknown challenges or blessings. It has already been a very rich experience and there is a certain desire in me to leave it at that.

I found it interesting to notice that when I had three weeks of the Spiritual Exercises left last year I had just begun. Now the same time relative to the whole experiment seems quite short and nearing completion. Also various people have been saying that the rest of the novitiate will be gone before I know it. They might be right, but I still have a quarter of it to do – there is still a lot to experience.

A couple of times in the last week I have been surprised by a conversation that has been refreshing or somehow been a blessing. The week has brought joy and pain, excitement and monotony – I hope that I can remain open to what the remainder of the time brings.

Experiment in becoming a Jesuit

This experiment is giving me a lot of experiences and ideas to reflect on, and introducing me to a variety of people, some of whom I may keep in contact with and others whom I may never see again.

Although I’ve not spent much time with Jesuits, my vocation as a Jesuit and the Jesuits in general have not been absent. I’ve appreciated the opportunity to spend some time on my rest days at Jesuit houses, particularly Stamford Hill. On 17^th February I experienced a significant milestone in my vocation story at the gathering of Jesuits in formation (JIFs) at Mount Street for Mass and dinner. I appreciated being welcomed and included in the gathering and for the opportunity to meet Jesuits I haven’t seen for a while. But the significance for me, wasn’t so much being allowed to join the big boys, as being reminded of a Friday evening almost five years ago when I was sitting in my CLC (Christian Life Community) group, doing a stillness exercise at the beginning of our meetings with the noise of a group of men talking loudly in a room down the corridor. Afterwards we were told that they were “our scholastics” and we prayed for them. I hope someone was praying for us the other day and will continue to do so. I was also grateful for the journey I have been on since that day.

I had a meeting with the Jesuit in charge of formation and we’ve agreed that I will submit an application to Heythrop College to begin their Philosophy and Theology degree next year. I am pleased to have a definite direction and about the course itself. But it did suddenly bring life after the novitiate into close focus and I was aware of how quickly time is passing. Last weekend I was pleased that Paul, the Novice Director, came to visit, to see me and the place here.

Jesuits have come up in conversations with people, sometimes when people hear that I am a Jesuit it lets them use their Jesuit story – I knew a Jesuit… I went to a Jesuit school… My mother’s cousin’s uncle was a Jesuit…, etc. Dan Berrigan was a big influence on one of the long term Catholic Workers in the community here. John Dear has come up, particularly in regard to his forthcoming visit to the Greenbelt Festival this year and subsequent speaking tour.

I’ve been thinking about them and Jesuit life and my vocation to it and generally been affirmed, although challenged to discern the way God is calling me to live and what I am being called to do. At the beginning of the experiment someone asked me who my biggest influence is – I have come to realise how much I’m influenced by Teilhard de Chardin who I think is not the answer most Catholic Workers would give and that has added to the challenge of the experiment.

Back to the Future!

Back to the Future!

I was tempted to name my Blog entry for today, as “The Fifth Week”, in tribute to the book which first gave me an insight into the world of the Jesuits. I read the book, purely out of curiosity, and as you can guess, I was hooked. The back cover of the book, which was written by William J. O’Malley SJ states that “Every Jesuit novice makes the month-long Spiritual Exercises: the first week is on the principle of life; the second is on Jesus’ life; the third is on his passion and death; and the fourth is on the resurrected life of the children of God. The fifth week is the rest of a Jesuit’s life.” Well, I’m in my 6^th week, having completed the Exercises on February 10^th.

Let me rewind a bit. I entered the exercises with an open mind, although I was half expecting to be transformed, and to be honest half-expecting to be a little bored. I was wondering how I was going to spend such a long time without any book but the Bible to read.  However, as Paul mentioned below, with up to 5 hours a day of prayer, I found the days were too short! It’s amazing how perception can change in a flash.  My experience of the exercises was simply put, a recognition of the never-ending love and mercy of God in my life. I felt a strong desire to match that love, although I know that I can’t compete with God.  I found myself recognising the need for God in my life and in the world, while I was contemplating the life of Christ. I would say that the retreat was really geared towards my lifestyle in the future. I can’t go back into the past and change any decision I have made, but I have recognised that I can determine how I make decisions and live my life in the future.

On coming back to outside world and the future, my fire and enthusiasm for doing the will of God is a little stronger and the fire of faith and love in my heart burns brighter.

I’m two days into my placement at an organisation called the Whitechapel Centre (http://www.whitechapelcentre.co.uk/) which aims at providing solutions to those facing housing and homelessness difficulties.  It’s been an eye-opening experience so far.

Hopefully, I’ll keep you posted about my future developments over the coming weeks. That’s all from me, I’m going back to my Future .Don’t forget to check us out next Wednesday, where more interesting happenings should be revealed from the other novices on their experiments.

Joel 

                                             

 

JRS experiment

I (Christian Keeley) am now halfway through my experiment with JRS (Jesuit Refugee Service) and the Hurtado Jesuit Centre here in Wapping, East London.

It has been a challenging yet rewarding experience so far, and a period in my Jesuit and novitiate life when I can say I have been the happiest. It has been a time of coming back to the place and the people where that initial flame of vocation was kindled, a time that has been full of grace as I meet old friends and people I used to work with. Having been away for nearly two years it has been interesting to notice the changes but at the same time how things have continued as I left them so there is a great sense of peace in that.

My work at JRS can be divided neatly into two sections, destitution and detention. They probably sound a bit peculiar but these are the two fields in which JRS has its mission. Within destitution I have been engaging in a variety of different projects here as well as dealing directly with refugees who are destitute namely those who have no recourse to public funds. In my detention work I have been visiting the Immigration Removal Centres near Heathrow and seeing a detainee one-on-one, which has been a fairly harrowing experience at times but at the same time a confirmation of where I am needed.

The Hurtado Jesuit Centre has been perhaps a more ad hoc adventure, and I think the word organic, that has become ubiquitous when we describe the centre sums up what I have been doing. Jim Conway and myself have, in some ways, been trying to understand, interpret and ultimately communicate an identity for the centre, so this has involved me developing a website and visiting local projects simply introducing ourselves as a Jesuit presence in the local area. So, there has been a great sense of creativity in the project and hopefully what we are doing initially will come to fruition.

The work I have most enjoyed, perhaps to my surprise, is in the local parish. I have taken over as the Catechist leading a group of people in the RCIA program, for adults who want to become Catholic. It has been a beautiful experience where I have realised what it means to pass on the gift of faith to people and how much people thirst for that hope that faith in God brings. It has taught me a lot about my own faith and my ideas for future ministry as a Jesuit as we continue to ask that ever-present question of ‘what is the greatest need?’

So as we sense the murmurings of spring, as Henry, Joel and Peter in the first-year rejoice in completing the Spiritual Exercises, I end with a Celtic prayer praising the reality of God who is in our midst.

I am more in heaven than on earth,
For I am the child that you gave birth.
You made me possessing eternal life,
Let me not lose it by sin or strife.

 This is the world which dwells in you,
Open my eyes to know this is true.
All is enfolded, Lord, in your peace;
Let me experience it and fears cease.

Help me to see that you, Lord, are here;
Then brightness comes and daystars appear.
Grant us to feel you are with us now,
Teach us in wonder before you to bow.

Everything created you, Lord, embrace,
Help us to sense it in this very place,
That we may know that whatever appear,
You, Lord, are present and with us here.

 (David Adam, Border Lands)

Enquirers’ weekend

“We call you people Sniffers!” the Irish Vocations Director said with a grin as we waited outside the refectory for the evening meal. Four men had come to Manresa House in Birmingham to sniff out what life was really like in the Jesuit Novitiate over the course of a weekend. It’s a strange and disorienting experience being a guest in a religious house – the strict timetable governs the rhythm of domestic and devotional life and visitors have to quickly absorb and assimilate that routine into their own lives, taking care not to disrupt the regularity of the novices’ world. Those novices, some of whom were not long into their own journey of discovery were scrupulous in their welcome – introducing themselves with broad smiles and a relaxed, easy manner that said that they too knew how it was to arrive in this house for the first time.

Over the course of the weekend there was a good deal of contact between the novices and ourselves – meals were taken in common of course and there were also opportunities to socialise in those times when we weren’t called for sessions with the Vocations Directors. These meetings were intense experiences – for some of us it was the first opportunity to tell the story of our own journeys in an open forum. Each telling of a faith-story uncovers something new; the vocation journey is a pilgrimage best observed from the sidelines. For many there is no one great unequivocal sign that points to a conclusive destination – rather the pilgrim gathers impressions, half-glimpsed at the edges of the road and one learns to watch closely and more closely until a coherence begins to emerge which gives the journey shape and a measure of lucidity. The telling and re-telling of a story may uncover those aspects of ourselves and our journeys that we missed the last time. We may well find that God was present on a patch of the road that we scarcely noticed before – ‘stay awake’ must be the axiom of the pilgrim on a journey of discernment. This message was further endorsed when we joined the house for an informal screening of Emilio Estevez’ The Way on the Saturday evening.

The vocation calls not only to us but through us to the wider world – being present to ourselves is important but it is also vital to accompany others on their way. On our last day we went with a group of novices out to nearby parishes to assist in their Sunday Eucharists. Birmingham is hardly a handsome city and it certainly wasn’t looking its best on a cold and drizzly morning in November, yet the feeling of close community – and a multi-cultural community too, was palpable from stepping foot in our respective churches. The dazzling display of ages, community-customs and cultural inheritance made for a vital celebration of the Mass that did a lot to dispel the mid-winter gloom outside.

Jesuits are about activity; the ever-present question ‘Yes, but what are you going to DO about it?’ governs every aspect of life in the Novitiate and beyond. Even simple routine things like washing-up and cleaning are dominated by this idea; we do it together and we do what we do as a community – we accompany each other on every step of the journey no matter how humdrum. The weekend at Manresa House was for we four at the same time life away from our ordinary routines and life present to ourselves and others – best exemplified for me by a talk about the Jesuit Refugee Service on the Sunday afternoon. ‘So you’re a priest and yet you still do all this stuff?’ said Father Jim Conway of the JRS as he told us of his first encounter with a Jesuit. Ignatius might have said that it is in this very stuff that we find God and that if we want to discern God at work in people’s lives then look no further than this stuff. And get involved.

Tony Gardner
November 2011